Review: A Lady Awakened

A Lady Awakened by Cecilia Grant
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I read this for the # TBRChallenge, previous updates with my full thoughts, comments, and quotes can be found: 

  

Reading Update: Chapter 1 

Reading Update: 20% 

Reading Update: 40% 

Reading Update: 60% 

Reading Update: 80% 

Reading Update: 100% 

This definitely reads different than the majority of romance out there and I can see why people loved it and didn't enjoy it. Our widow Martha has more cold than warmth and is more of an analytical personality than emotional and her actions have to be looked at in the grey area to be able to sympathize with her. When her husband dies, she learns that his brother set to inherit raped at least two housemaids, so she sets out to get pregnant to keep the estate from him. 

Theo, our hero, is sent to the country by his father to learn some maturity and responsibility. He maybe bats an eyelash at Martha's proposition but he still follows her to the bedroom that day. From there they have sex everyday to try and get her pregnant and their sex scenes are definitely frigid and mechanical. As they get to know one another and through actions they take throughout the story with tending to their tenants or trying to improve the people's lives on their estates, Theo learns maturity and how to care for Martha, while Martha thaws and learns the very basics of caring. 

This is a very quiet show and not tell story, a lot of it is in the little details. I thought a few chapters in the middle slowed the pace too much and Martha and Theo's first loving sex scene wasn't quite lead into right and felt, at least off the page, anti-climatic. However, the secondary characters were on point and added so much to this story, I will cry for years for a Mrs. and Mr. Weaver novella. 

If you can't get passed the coldness of Martha and frigid bedroom scenes, you probably won't make it to the 20% mark and I can definitely see why some wouldn't. If you can absorb those, though, you'll find a different romance story ripe in the little details.

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#TBRChallenge Reading Update: 100%

 

Chapters 16 - End discussion (spoilers in updates)....

If only they did not have wives and children to share in the punishment for their wrongs.

*********

“I know. Only I expected to feel grand and righteous, doing so. I had no thought of all its feeling so mixed-up and awful.”

James Russell finally makes his appearance and I actually enjoy how the author makes him seem ineffectual and doesn't ascribe to him a domineering presence. Along with Martha we learn that he's married and has two sons. Moral dilemma time with Martha feeling bad about disinheriting the sons and actually liking his wife. 

Mrs. Weaver nodded once as her husband, beside her, put a coarse knuckly hand over hers. 

****************

 “I’ll put it plainer still.” Mrs. Weaver lifted a gaze that could give a man nightmares. Her voice shook with sentiments too dark to have names. “If you stay in this country I’ll stick a knife in your foul throat. Though I go to the gallows for it and leave my children orphans, I promise you I will.”

Did I mention how much I want a Weaver novella? I WANT A WEAVER NOVELLA. 

Martha comes up with the idea to bring everyone together to lay it out for James Russell and tell him that if he does inherit they will make life miserable for him and Mrs. Weaver puts it out there even more. This scene of them inviting James in and them all sitting at the table ready to confront him really worked to make my eyes water, mostly because of Mr. and Mrs. Weaver but gah, the support and determination in this scene. But, yeah, WEAVER NOVELLA.

Such tricky business, being a husband. Knowing when to be your wife’s champion, and when to stand back that she might be her own. So many large and small skills to master beyond simply pleasing a woman in bed. Yet one more unexpected lesson from his time in Sussex.

Wonderfully said. This is where I think this book excelled, it gave me the depth and emotion, not just the sex. The sex was actually probably where this turned out to be the weakest. 

After the confrontation scene and knowing James had sons, I knew where this was going to head and I almost was yelling out for Martha to hurry up and come to the conclusion. Theo gets a good grown-up and stand-up to daddy scene with some lovely supporting from sister. It's a bit of a quiet ending but this story was definitely all show and not tell and I greatly enjoyed that. 

#TBRChallenge Reading Update: 80%

Chapters 12 - 15 discussion (spoilers in updates).........

She’d been lovely the first time he’d spied her, distant and disapproving in church. She was lovely each time he peeled away her clothing, and when she lay in his arms, and when her features went dim and unfocused as he lost himself. But she was never lovelier than when she spoke this way, all afire with the knowledge of wrongs to be righted and good to be done.

Lovely, lovely writing.

So, I think I was right on the whole curate trying to edge in there for a love triangle. The curate caught a little something between Martha and Theo and Theo has caught a little between Martha and Mr. Atkins. 

With the move to Theo spending the night, we are getting some good sharing of confidences before sleep and you can see how that has brought these two together even more. Discussions, actions, and emotional sharing, not just sex scenes and I think this couple is all the better for it.

But one bore what one had to bear. Could never entered into the bargain. Though sometimes…perhaps…one might share out one’s burden among friends and well-wishers, and feel it lightened by the sharing.

In the previous chapters, when Theo was going around his estate and such, he started to talk to the women and obviously was gently directing them towards Martha. Here, they visit her and Martha gets friends and it's one of the best presents and things a hero has done for his heroine, he got her friends, which is really a support system. 

“My Livia worked there for a time. Has she mentioned it?”

Livia is Mrs. Weaver and ooofff, we get some background information on her and how it fills out her role of secondary character even more is such a delicate thing to see. Really impressed with how secondary characters are utilized here.

“She was lucky to make any marriage at all, after what befell her. No one expected Mr. Weaver to renew his proposals. No one would have blamed him if he turned his back on her. But he loved her just that much.”

Mmmkay, really going to need that Mr. and Mrs. Weaver novella now. Please put in the pig too.

There's more estate management talk in this section, a dairy scheme Theo comes up with and while it does show Theo growing and becoming the man he can be, this late in the book, it felt kind of meh. I'm ready for our couple to be hammering on the emotion. At 70% there is what I'll call their big sex scene, Martha finally orgasms, which is what we've been waiting for because it's a little tie-in to alerting to their emotionally connection but it felt like this puzzle piece didn't quite fit right. There was more land management focus leading up to it and that kind of threw off the transition to the bedroom scene for me, just didn't mesh.

“One day Mother simply told Father he’d agreed to Oxford. And his memory was such that he never knew he hadn’t.” 

Her gloves might split along the seams, she was clenching her fists so hard. Her heart might crack her ribs. She would be candid now. They would build a better friendship, a real one, with truth and forthrightness where deceit and evasion had been. “Mr. Atkins.” Her voice vibrated with hope. 

“Mrs. Russell.” His hand came up, palm toward her. His face didn’t turn her way. “I cannot know. You understand, do you not? I cannot know.” Gradually, in response to her silence, his hand slid back down to the grass as the shears snipped on. 

But he did know, obviously. Perhaps she’d never deceived him at all. And the message was plain: openness between them could go only this far

Holy shit, this scene!!! I mean, is Martha going to end up with Mr. Atkins??? Because this scene had me thinking it could maybe, possibly be a better choice for her??? It ends with them choosing a not honest relationship but if they had a romantic one, they could be honest? I don't know, this scene shook me, lol.

“Then I have only to wish you happy.” One more ignoble sentiment came, settling like a sharp missile in his throwing hand. “And wish the curate happy too, I suppose.”

BOOM. Theo throwing down!! At 70% Martha has finally orgasmed and they've achieved some great closeness and at 80% Theo says "I love you" out loud. Martha thinks she's pregnant now and is tied up in securing her estate to save the tenants and housemaids from the villainous bro-in-law. With only 20% left, I'm all anxiousness over here for how this is going to end.

#TBRChallenge Reading Update: 60%

 

Chapters 8-11 discussion (Spoilers in updates)..........

So, I think I was right with there being something to the Mr. Atkins angle, this starts off with Martha alluding/talking about how, a sort of shady version of him, was the star of her fantasies but now Theo is replacing him and that makes her panic. Fantasizing about the local curate, naughty girl!

The pig came jogging from behind the house, clearly scenting opportunity.

I make no guarantees that this pig doesn't show up as a Romancies Favorite Secondary character nominee.

“Don’t berate yourself so. I don’t want to hear it. You were mistaken in what you expected, and now you know better. We learn that way, don’t we?

This is said by Theo to Martha and what a conversation we could have on how Theo, and a lot of us, give so much love and understanding to others but never that same leeway to ourselves.

Her smile went through him like a fever-chill. What a strange, strange thing, to give a woman such pleasure without touching her.

I'm one of those reviewers that has put "too much sex" in their reviews before and I know some take this as prudishness but what I'm also saying is that the couple didn't have enough emotional depth outside the bedroom. Especially in historicals, I'm showing up for the delicious mental and emotional banter and foreplay. I love how this line gives us some heat through mentally developed emotional heat.

How did one go about saying these things gently? “You’re not a bad man, Mirkwood. I do think you have promise. But while I find I can be cordial with a man who lives for pleasure, and even come to feel a certain regard for him, I cannot, in the end, truly admire such a man. And I don’t care to give myself up to a man I don’t admire. Pardon my frankness.”

Yeeeouch! Martha hasn't learned the old 'honesty without tact is cruelty'. Martha's not purposefully cold and rude, she just never learned better, kind of like Theo isn't purposefully ignorant and spoiled. See what the author did there? Similarities between characters that can create bonding and areas for them to make the other better.

It could have been worse. He didn’t beat you. He wasn’t cruel. That stern self-reproach never did have the bracing effect one would wish.

We get more on Martha's coldness, specifically towards Theo in the bedroom, her husband had a drinking problem and it lead to him forcing himself on her and then not remembering the next day. Martha was thawing towards Theo but then tasted alcohol on his breath and this caused her to grow frigid again. But they talk about it and through that conversation she cracks open even more than before. Building blocks for character growth!

I would say this was probably the, for lack of a better word, slowest group of chapters. We finally learn that Theo is 26yrs old; such young characters for how mature they and the story feels. We also get Martha learning that Mrs. Weaver is pregnant and mentally making a note and vaguely planning out in her mind if she bought the baby if it was a boy to pass off as her own. It's methodical and cold, at the same time in line with Martha and sort of not as she's learned some emotional intelligence. I don't know, she's at the core a very analytical person, so maybe it does fit. 

Theo's spending the night now, they're talking more and their sex is getting better and less insert slot A into slot B. There's only 40% left and still feels like a good amount of work needs to be done between these two, curious what is going to happen!

#TBRChallenge Reading Update: 40%

 

Chapters 5-7 discussion (spoilers in updates)..........

If he wasn’t a man who knew how to please women, then what was he at all?

Theo really has an issue with feeling unworthy and useless and in a way that is no fault to his own, born privileged, and in a way that is his fault, choosing ignorance. It's interesting how our characters are going through their own separate journeys, sometimes helping each other, other times figuring it out on their own.

He’d come here with honorable intentions, and indeed, he could feel the first sparks of anger struck within him—but they were promptly smothered by thick, poisonous shame. What man could stand under Mrs. Weaver’s awful gaze and not suspect a monster lurked deep inside him after all?

Oh this scene. Theo's went back to the house that Christine, the intellectually disabled girl I mentioned in my last update and brought gifts. Her mother Mrs. Weaver sees them close together and obviously thinks Theo is trying to seduce her with gifts. Theo's angry and disgusted, at the situation and himself and I know we're probably supposed to feel bad for him but I was all about Mrs. Weaver in this scene. She breathes the fire at him in a way that she doesn't have to say a word, he owns the estate her family lives on, but Theo knows he's not getting pass this warrior to take advantage of her daughter. The guts, because of consequences, the love, and the bravery showcased by Mrs. Weaver here, just LOVE. 

“Also, I suppose I was afraid of appearing ridiculous.” A few at a time, she got the words out, her voice awkward even to her own ears.

These chapters have Martha starting to make an attempt at some form of affection when Theo comes over for the daily try to make a baby. It's starting off mechanical as there are not emotions behind her actions, yet, but she's learning. 

“Who was there to love you, then?”

A pretty devastating line to ask someone and you can tell it hits a mark in Martha. We learn that she was pretty much wholly raised by her governess. Martha never learned tender feelings and this why she doesn't know or understand them. 

How to word this constructively? She frowned at the far wall. “I consider you rather fortunate to be under his tutelage.” No reproach. Only suggestion

This may seem like an innocuous line in their conversation but I love how it gives us thoughtfulness and intention behind lines, which as our characters' thoughts, gives depth of character.

in hopes she’d look at him as a woman looked at a man who knew all the best ways to surprise her.

I just love this line and the sentiment behind it, imagining that beaming look directed towards someone you love.

“I’ve said you cannot. Now put your hand somewhere respectable while I read.”

“You make things worse, you know, when you speak to me that way.” 

*********

Help him? What fresh indecency was this?

More of that dry wit that I just love.

We get Martha lying some more, telling the curate Mr. Atkins that the maybe heir, James, her husband's brother, told her that he would support a school, which I can see coming to a head. The solicitor also gives Martha a warning that James told him to watch her because he's heard rumors that some widows miraculously are pregnant when their husbands die and they end up retaining the estate in their son's name. Looks like James might be making an appearance soon, so that dread is hovering at the edges. 

I don't know if I'm smelling this whiff right either but there seems like there could be something between Martha and Mr. Atkins? She's offhandedly reminisced of the life she could have if she married him and then these chapters had a hint of something possible between them. I'm wondering if the author is setting up for an "easy" choice to quietly marry Mr. Atkins and a more life to the fullest option of Theo.

#TBRChallenge Reading Update: 20%

 

Chapters 2-4 discussion (Spoilers in my updates)......

“I can get you funds, Mr. Mirkwood, in exchange for something from you. I need to conceive a child.”

Well, then. Like I said in my previous update, I like how she's open and honest with him. We get a better look at Theo here, too. He's being, for all intents and purposes, babysat by a Mr. Granville who is supposed to teach him estate running and some responsibility. At first I thought I would have liked a London scene with his father showing the conversation but now I think I like this slower lead-in to Theo.

Honey-colored hair, just on that border between blonde and brunette. The kind of hair that went luminous under sunlight, but kept its secrets indoors.

Some of that gorgeous writing I was talking about and gah, I could talk about this line and description all day.

We learn that Martha was only married for 10 months and that she agreed to the marriage because her father was dying, her mother died in childbirth, and she didn't want to be a dependent of her brother, call back to beginning and strengthens her "mutinous" attitude. 

They were conspiring against him, the virtuous people of the world. Plainly they did not want him among their number. Well, who was he to battle on when such might was arrayed on the opposing side? Between respectable Mrs. Russell bribing him into her bed, and worthy Mr. Granville all but ordering him back there, what could he do but succumb?

*********

One goose approached, stretched out its neck, and hissed at him, a distinctly triumphant look on its face.

There's little dashes of humor in this that I'm really enjoying, Theo and Granville's cross-talk about cottages, Granville saying he should spend more time with Martha because she is so respectable and Theo could learn some estate running while Theo is thinking about the real reason he is going over to see Martha. I also found myself giving an actual laugh out loud when Theo and Granville were visiting his renters and the pig was trying to get in. I'm notorious for never laughing at books that people find hilarious, but that scene made my weird funny bone tick. 

How much of this nonsense would she be obliged to endure?

The sex scenes are emotionally rough because of how distant and mechanical Martha forces them to be and Theo flirting, trying to get to know Martha and warm her up but then giving up and just giving her what he wants. Making it through them requires you to keep in mind the bigger picture and how we're starting at ground zero in their emotional journey. 

“The precipitating incident, if you would know, was my expenditure of two months’ allowance to buy a single snuffbox. Sèvres.”

**********

“You see my ignorance. But at least I have some idea of what a gentleman ought and oughtn’t to stand for, and it plain strikes me as a shabby way of doing things. Doesn’t it strike you?” On these last words, he raised his head to face her again, eyes lit with earnest appeal. He could not have said anything more right; anything more exquisitely tailored to win her sympathy, her support, her better regard.

Theo is clearly ignorant of his privilege but the juxtaposition of him saying, talking about the snuff box and then his thoughts during and after the visit to his renters, shows a man starting and willing to think and make a change, which I love reading. Characters that grow and don't start off perfect are always more of a personal favorite. I'm only in the first four chapters, but I'm happy Theo is already starting this journey, it gives him dimensions and makes me more interested in him because he can improve. I also like some of the economical threads woven in, the ideals and period placing it provides.

Of course no girl in this cottage was likely to attend balls, but the simpleminded daughter might have to remain here always, watching her younger sisters grow past her to contrive their own establishments.

These chapters managed to not only get a laugh out of me but also some watery eyes. This observation, thought, and feeling from Theo hit hard. I feel like a lot of the time the compassion and empathy is directed to the family of an intellectually disabled member, instead of the person themselves. Usually, the hero or heroine is caring for them and it's always, "How noble of you!". The last of this little thought feeling was just, watery eyes.

“I don’t believe you’re listening.” Her voice dropped a good dozen degrees in warmth. 

“Not to the words.” He bent his head to brush his lips over the thin, blue-veined skin. “But you’re rather lovely when you speak so. All ardent and crusading.” 

Could any woman on earth really welcome such a remark?

I mean, Theo, my man, No. But also, good for characterization and not having Theo do a 180, he's changing but he's not changed and I'm anticipating the emotional journey we'll, hopefully, be reading for him to get there, not to mention Martha's shell cracking open. I'm getting a slight whiff of Henry from Northanger Abbey to Theo, don't take me wrong, a highly sexualized difference between the two but he sprang to mind when I was reading Theo. 

(Or maybe I'm just wilding, lol)

They've had sex five times and on the sixth Theo has problem with the mechanicalness of how Martha is trying to keep it. I think I can see why some didn't like this, it starts off pretty cold and you have to have the patience for the engine to warm up. If you read my reviews, you'll know I love my building block journeys, so I'm a happy camper. After that last bedroom scene, I can just feel the crackling tension wanting to spark.

#TBRChallenge: Feb. New-To-You Author - Reading Update: Chapter 1

 

I had a great time participating in January's Comfort Read challenge, so I'm back for more! This #TBRChallenge is set-up by @SuperWendy (blog). Besides the theme months, this is a pretty relaxing challenge. On the third day of every month participants are encouraged to use the hashtag TBRChallenge and discuss the book they plucked from obscurity. I thought it meant discuss the book all day, so I kind of bombed the hashtag, lol. Now I know people just post one review :) I decided to make a personal rule that a book had to be in my TBR for at least 5 years.

February's theme is New-To-You Author, so I tried to think of an author that I've seen friends talk about a lot but I haven't managed to read yet. Last year @miss_batesreads had a buddy read on Twitter of A Lady Awakened by Cecilia Grant and I caught a few tweets discussing the book that captured my interest. With this in mind, I checked my GoodReads TBR and lo and behold, A Lady Awakened has been on there since 2016, just making my 5 year rule. Glancing at friend reviews (not enough to spoil!) and ratings, it looks like this is a book that people either love or hate, so many 5 star but also 1 star ratings. This is an author that I feel like I hear something about at least once year, so I can't wait to see where I fall.

For the #TBRChallenge, I'll be making posts like how I do for Buddy Reads. The longer, all my thoughts/comments with book quotes posts will be on my blog and GoodReads will get shorter snippets with a link to blog post. So I don't bomb the hashtag this time, I'll just be tweeting out my final review link on Wednesday.

January's TBRChallenge read was Unbound by Cara McKenna and I ended up loving it, hope I have the same luck!

 Chapter 1 discussion (spoilers will be in my posts)........

I’m sorry, too. I wish I could want what you offer. I don’t know why I can’t. She swallowed, and kept the words down.

I don't know why, but when I saw this was about a widow, I thought she'd be older but Martha is only 21yrs old. It looks like we're coming in right after her husband has passed away and she finds out that her husband mismanaged her dowry, so there's only 1,000 left of the original 10,000. She at least seems to have a decent brother who is upset on her behalf ands says she can live with him. Martha doesn't like the sound of that dependency, bringing in the acknowledgement of how controlled and limited choices women had at this time.

Of course if she were truly mutinous…well, one heard tales of what desperate childless widows occasionally did.

Martha knows she isn't pregnant but after spending the day fearing for the new school she's been instrumental in starting and learning that her husband's brother who is going to inherit the estate raped at least two housemaids, she decides to take a chance to change that. Definitely could be looked at as black & white choice but I see this more as grey and I'm not going to lie, I'm all "Be mutinous, woman!" over here.

Women could only pray for mercy…That wasn’t true. Women could do more. A desperate woman could do more. Women could only bear what came. But a chance had come. A chance had come and looked her in the eye that very morning.

So, first impression of Theo Mirkwood, we meet him as he's falling asleep in church and wakes up to give Martha a sensual smile, is obviously young and immature, which we're supposed to get. He's the son of the neighboring estate sent to learn some responsibility and away from temptations of London. 

When Martha came right out and told him her plan, I loved her honesty and am looking forward to the two bonding without the secret of why Martha wants a baby hovering on the edges. Theo seems to go along with the deal quickly but the set-up of him being a bit of a scapegrace fits.

I can see some not liking the writing style, descriptive with some poetry flow, but I'm loving it right now, it comes off gorgeous to me. A whole book of it? I might feel differently, we'll see. A promising start :)